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The Journey of Unbecoming



I struggled with self-worth my entire life. Since my earliest memories, I have held beliefs that I wasn't enough. I wasn't smart enough, good enough, feminine enough, strong enough, pretty enough, outspoken enough, quiet enough, happy enough .... enough of this, enough of that, just ENOUGH!


Thankfully, with age comes wisdom and with wisdom comes a desire for change, the desire to become better and shed these nasty, self defeating beliefs. Over the past 14 years I've worked my ass off to be the person I thought I should be. I did all the things to become the best version of myself! I practiced self-love, worked on grounding, meditated, prayed, did breathwork, read this book and that book, worked with coaches and mentors. And guess what? I still struggled.


And as a Mental Wellness coach, this struggle made it really difficult for me to show up for others in their time of need. How could I coach other women when I couldn't even figure myself out? How could I help others when my shit was still messed up? How could I be this authority on mental wellness when there were so many days I'd rather curl up under the covers and let the world pass me by?


We are all desperate for understanding. We are all dying to have just one person that will listen to us, to understand us and to believe us. To acknowledge that our story is our truth and that what we are feeling is real. And, even though we might have gone through some pretty fucked up things, we are still good people worthy of love and compassion, right?! I am always blown away by the stories my clients tell me and I continuously wonder, with all the turmoil, pain, judgement and shame that we've survived, how are any of us still functioning? How are any of us moving around this crazy planet and still able to put on a smile on our face, and even laugh once in a while, with all the emotional baggage we are dragging with us?


We are always looking for that person or resource with the answers to our problems. That beautiful soul that will tell us it will all be okay. That strong person we can look up to, lean on, and vent to for hours, if need be, without judgement. That person that makes us feel complete and unbroken and understands our every want, need and desire.


But we never find that person. We may find bits and pieces of that person imbedded in friends and family but that exact person we seek, they do not exist. They are a mirage; an image of what we 'want' to see; what our subconscious mind thinks we need. But the answers we seek can only come from within. Through inward reflection and surrender we become that person. We heal into that person. Like a caterpillar to a butterfly, we transform and create the very person we need.


"I was looking for her, that woman that would have my answers. But I never found her. So I became her." -- Nicole Queen


Maybe the journey isn't so much about BECOMING anything. Maybe it's about UN-BECOMING everything that isn't really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place. Maybe it's less resistance and more acceptance. Less resisting what we don't like about ourselves, and more acceptance of the way things are at the moment with the understanding that moments never stand still. Just because it is now, doesn't mean it always will be.


This brings be back to my past struggle of deflated self-worth. What we identify as, we become. If we identify as unworthy, the universe, or God or whatever you want to call your higher power, will deliver to us, on a shiny fricken platter, every possible scenario to prove that we really are unworthy. We will begin to see unworthiness show up in our lives everywhere and we will begin to drown in it!


So what does one do? How does one overcome this and change their reality? By unbecoming what no longer serves them and shedding the dead beliefs that are weighing them down. By giving themself permission to let go of the past and to stop fearing the future. By being intentional about living in the moment. By moving to a higher elevation in their mind so they can get a better view of their true reality because what seems to be true up-close may be completely different at a distance.


No one will leave this earth with all the answers, so take a break from searching, stop putting that pressure on yourself and just be in the moment. No one is an expert at everything. There will always be someone that has it better than you. There will always be someone that has it worse than you. There will always be someone that loves the pieces of you that you hate and someone that hates the pieces of you that you love. So, at the end of the day, what does any of it really matter? UN-BECOME everything that isn't really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place. When you give yourself permission to do that, you will find freedom and happiness within you and, I promise you, your reality will change.


Reach out if you'd like to discuss this deeper or would like help in UNBECOMING you. I’m always just an email away! heather@wilderboerscoaching.com


As always, check below for a few of my favorite things!


 

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Ok it's time for you to go explore! Go, go, go!


 

Essential Oils and Emotions:


Clary Sage Oil - The Oil of Clarity & Vision

  • Assists individuals in changing their perceptions, dispelling darkness and illusion and helps bring to light limiting beliefs.

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Stress Essentials Calm - Support for Healthy Stress Management

Stress Essentials Calm is formulated with L-Theanine, from clinically validated and patented Suntheanine®, and gamma-aminobutryic acid (GABA). These two ingredients act as natural calming agents by increasing levels of GABA in the brain.◆ When GABA levels increase in the brain, excitability decreases and relaxation ensues. Stress Essentials Calm also promotes quality sleep.◆ L-theanine supports the production of serotonin and helps GABA support a healthy bodily response to stress.◆ Serotonin is then converted to melatonin in the brain, which in turns supports restful sleep.


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