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Could it be possible that every behavior has a positive intention?


In the practice of NLP, we never throw away behavior, as it is understood that every behavior, and every feeling, makes sense if you find a suitable context for it. We don’t have to agree with the behavior, but we can respect it and find another function for it. “For every behavior there is a context in which it makes sense.” In looking at it this way, we can avoid using the label “bad behavior” and can see it (or understand it) for what it really is, “effective” or “ineffective” behavior. For instance, a child that routinely throws temper tantrums may be doing so with the “positive intention” of getting attention. The child gets their desired result which is the attention of someone in their immediate area. It is ineffective behavior as it doesn’t get them the right kind of attention, but it is effective as, often times, any attention is better than no attention at all. We can even see this with animals. Take, for instance, a wild bobcat. It may be growling, showing its teeth, fur raised on its back, looking like it’s ready to lunge at you. You could immediately think that this is a “bad” animal. Or, after realizing that it has positive intentions for its actions, you could realize that it’s actually caught in a trap and scared or has babies nearby and is in protective mode. Remove the trap or step away from the babies and the animal is just another animal trying to survive. Everyone is doing the best that they can with the resources they have available. This idea has helped me in profound ways in healing from my emotional traumas. When one feels like a victim and views their victimizer as a monster or a bad person, they are dehumanizing that person, and in doing so, they are remaining the victim of that circumstance. On the flip side, when one can view their victimizer as human, just a person who may lack the resources to act in a different way, or who has an abundance of ineffective resources to work with, one can begin to understand and see why they acted in the way that they did. Again, we don’t have to agree with the behavior, but we can find another function for it. I find this NLP presupposition extremely valuable when assessing the behaviors of children too. In either case, children, or adult, when faced with a behavior that is undesirable, ask, “What does someone want to achieve with this behavior? What value (or values) does this person fulfill by acting in this way?” It gives us the ability to know that similar benefits can be obtained with different behaviors. Once we know this, and depending on the situation, we could communicate this with the other person. Either way, our ability to open our minds and be flexible with the perceived truth, gives us more options on how to respond and proceed. Are you open minded? Are you able to step back and reevaluate the situation, even the worst of situations, to find a better function for it? As always, I’d love to get your thoughts on it! How did this feel for you? Did it resonate with you? Were you able to understand the concept behind it? Let me know! Send me an email (heather@wilderboerscoaching.com) but first, check out my absolute favorite essential oil below: The Oil of Clarity & Vision!


 

Essential Oils and Emotions:

Clary Sage.

The Oil of Clarity & Vision! This is one of my ABSOLUTE favorite essential oils! It assists individuals in changing their perceptions, dispels darkness and illusion and helps individuals to see their limiting belief systems. Opening individuals to the dream world, it increases the ability to visualize and imagine new possibilities.

This was my GO TO oil when I was becoming aware that I was in a toxic, narcissistic relationship and needed to get out. It opened me up to the idea that a better, more loving, more fulfilling relationship was possible.



 

Soak it OUT!


Ever have one of those days where you are just irritated or "blah" and can't pinpoint why but absolutely can't stand feeling like that anymore? I'm pretty sure we all have.

When it happens to me, I reach for my foot soak tub (just a cheap one I got from the dollar store) and my SaltWorks Epsom Salt! I use 2 cups of salt in warm to hot water (as warm as I can stand it), allow the salt to dissolve, and sit down for 20 minutes to soak and relax!

Give it a try sometime! You will thank me!



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